Saturday, 18 December 2010

Pretend Para No. One – William Jameson pub in Sunderland with two WPCs in attendants

(The packed pub is in silence)

So you say you are a fascist and that you were in the Parachute Regiment


I have total respect for the Parachute Regiment, my sergeant in Two Seven Squadron was a Para, a fucking great soldier, I worked with Paras in Northern Ireland and you should be fucking ashamed.  What about ye bothers in Arnham?
I think they won about six or seven VCs. 
Who do ye think they were fighting?
They were not fighting schoolboys they were fighting fascist bastards.  OK so what regiment were you in?

The Parachute Regiment

Yes but what Regiment?

The Parachute Regiment

But what Regiment?

What do you mean what Regiment I have told you.

Yes People he has told me and from his answers I know he is a civvy bastard who has never been off his fat arse neverbeing in mind the Parachute Regiment.

How can you tell me what Regiment I was in?

(Another customer) Here mate explain to us how you know he has never been in the Parachute Regiment.

You see there are Regiments in the British Army and within those Regiments there are Regiments and if he had been in the Parachute Regiment he would have know what Regiment he had been in but he cannot answer because he hasn’t got a fucking clue.  Now than you fucking bastard were you in the First Parachute Regiment, the Second Parachute Regiment or the Third Parachute Regiment.

What do ye mean?

Ha-ha-ha fucking wanker sitting there telling us he is a fascist and pretending he is a Para.  I am over the fucking moon people because I can now tell you he is now the fifth pretend Para I have sussed in Sunderland.  One big bastard I have just left on the deck in the Blandford, I stuck one on him and he went down like a bag of shit.  Ask the ladies here from the local constabulary they were there the bastards have been coming after me all night with knives. That shit for nothing caused me all kinds of problems and he is involved.  He tripped up because when I mention the SLR a while back he said Single Lens Reflex Ha-ha-ha.

 (Another customer) but that is what an SLR is.

That is correct but the big useless bastard did not know another meaning for SLR and if he had been in the Parachute Regiment when he said he was he would have known that an SLR is the name of the rife that the British Army used to use.  It stands for Self Loading Rifle, I know it sounds like a description but in fact that was its name the SLR or Self Loading Rifle.  And as for you bastard you are a wanker that wants to undermine the fabric of our society and as far as I am concerned you should get your fucking arse out of this fucking pub before I kick ye fucking arse out of the place.

The other customers:

Go on fuck off
Get out bastard
Fuck off bastard

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