Friday, 24 December 2010

Banter with fascists in the bar of the Londonderry

Look lads believe it or not I have been fighting fascist bastards since 1977, I bet there is not many people in the country who have fought the bastards more times than me and I can read them like a book.  Now that bastard is going on about German technology being better than British technology in the Second World, I can read them like a book I have had umpteen conversations with them over the years.  The fascist bastards in Germany went on about the same things in 1977, except they spoke in their stupid German accents.  I can paint these bastards in a corner no problem.  You watch, you’ll see, or should I say you’ll hear.

What are you saying about me?

Fuck you, I am talking about you not to you so fuck off.

Anyway lads listen in for when I say rudder.

What happens then?

He’ll say something that includes the word lucky

Then what?

Well just listen in for the word rudder because they all have the same answer.

What’s that?

You’ll find out, if I tell you it will spoil the fun.  Anyway once I get through putting him right about military technology in the Second World War it’s kind of like the wires will be hanging out of his head and you watch it’s like the bastards have to find something that the Germans can be praised for and so once he is painted into a corner about Second World War technology you watch he will then go on and talk about the so called German economic success.

Then what?

I paint him in the corner again


I’ve done this so many times it just trips off the tongue

But they did have an economic success

Did they fuck, it’s all propaganda, all that Volks-dung-technique is just bullshit propaganda, just listen in.

But I thought they did

It’s just fucking lies, they are the biggest liars under the sun, listen in and try to remember what is said because they all have the same mindset and you will see just how easy it is to fuck their brains.  By the way if we are lucky he might even say the Germans won the Second World War.

What then?

I will just fuck his brain again so the wires are hanging out his fucking head


OK wanker what was it you were talking about?

The superior technology of German military might

Ha-ha-ha wanker you don’t honestly believe all that bullshit do you?

It is true

Fuck off daft arse ye haven’t got a fucking clue what you are talking about

And you do?

Well I am not an expert but compared to you I am a fucking mastermind

It is well know that German technology was far superior to all others

Ha-ha-ha daft bastard believes it

You cannot be saying that you think English technology is better

I don’t think it mate I know it

And how?

OK there are three branches of the British Armed forces, the Royal Navy, the Royal Air Force & the Army.  Lets take each branch one at a time.  The so call greatest battleship in the Second World War do you know its name.

Of course, it was the Bismarck

Who sank it by first hitting the rudder with a torpedo?

The British were lucky to hit the rubber


Did ye get that lads rudder, lucky

The Brish were not lucky to hit the rudder?


Yes they were


No they weren’t


Yes they were


Yes the were, no they weren’t. Yes they were, no they weren’t, no they weren’t.  I can do anything better than you, no you can’t, yes I can, yes I can, yes I can.  If you let me explain wanker I will give you the answer.  The British were not lucky to hit the rudder.  They were fucking unlucky ta miss the ship.


Ha-ha-ha – Ha-ha-ha

What do you mean they hit the rudder

I know that
But they were not aiming for the rudder

So they were lucky to hit it

No mate they were not lucky to hit the rudder
They were unlucky to miss the ship

Ha-ha-ha – Ha-ha-ha

Fuck if that bastard torpedo hit the ship it would have sunk, is likely so the British were unlucky to hit the rudder.

Ha-ha-ha – Ha-ha-ha

Now then do you know what happened to the rest of the German Naval Fleet?


Maybe because it is nothing to brag about


The majority of the German fleet never actually came out of port

How can you prove this

Look in your history books

But the victor writes the history books

That’s right

It is a lie

No it’s not
Prove it

Ha-ha-ha look tosser if we went back to some war that occurred in some historical wilderness of the distant past all we would have is books and paintings.  The fact is the Second World War was on film mate.  It was all captured on celluliod and if you find it hard to believe get youself on You Tube and check it out.

But Germany won the war

Have you read books that have said such

I cannot say

Is it that you cannot
Or is it that you will not

Germany won the war

Look wanker I can assure you that Germany most definatly did not win the war.  I can get back to this point later because it is a tangent that is taking us away from the main issue.

Which is what?

Have you forgot

I cannot remember

I will remind you, we are debating the so called superior technology of German military equipment in the Second World War.  Comprehend?
Anyway apart from keeping the German fleet in port for most of the war

What about Scappa Flow?

Wrong war wanker, that was the First World War not the Second World War.  We are talking about the Second World War and once again I will repeat the German fleet hardly ever left port throughout the war and apart from that the Royal Navy sunk three quarters of the German U Boat fleet.  Canny eh, don’t you think and so how do you think they managed to do that.


Superior British technology mate

But you say they only kept them in port

That’s right

But they did not fight how can we know the British would have beaten the German navy.

Ha-ha-ha ye fucking dumb fucker, the reason the German fleet did not come out of port is because they were shit scared and they knew they would be blown out of the water by the superior technology of the Royal Navy.

But how was it more superior?

Here lads can you understand how thick the German bastards are?

Ha-ha-ha – Ha-ha-ha

Look daft arse ye beat and everybody knows ye beat, so fuck off coz we are moving on.

Ha-ha-ha – Ha-ha-ha

Now than the Royal Air Force
Hitler planned to invade Britain

Hitler liked the British

Bullshit propaganda

He did not want to invade

He had hundreds of thousands of troops in Northern France waiting to invade in an operation that was called operation Sea Lion

I thought you were talking about the Royal Air Force

I am

What has that to do with the German army

There is one thing I can say for certain you are a right dumb bastard
Now will you shut the fuck up and I will explain
The Germans wanted to invade Britain but they knew if the tried to cross the English Channel the Royal Air Force would blow them out of the water.  So Hitler needed to knock out the RAF.  Now there is one little point that I might have slightly wrong, I believe that in the process of attempting to destroy the RAF there was a day when one or two stray German bombers drop their bombs on an area in central London and because they did that Churchill said fuck you ye Hitler bastard and the following night the RAF bombed Berlin.

Civilian targets

Fucking wanker are you trying to tell me the Germans did not do it

They would not do such

Fuck off they did it throughout the war

Prove it

They did it years before the war

No they did not

Yes they fucking did are you familiar with the painting Guernica by Picasso?


Do you know what it depicts?

The Spanish Civil war

Yes and in particular the bombing of the town of Guernica which was carried out by German bombers so fuck off.  Now then lets get back Churchill, he ordered Berlin to be bombed, it was only a small bombing raid but Hitler was fuming and hence he took his eye off the ball.

Which was?

To knock out the RAF

And what did he do instead?

He bombed civilian targets

The British did it first

He’s a wanker
He’s a wanker
And does him good like it bloody well should
He’s a wanker
He’s a wanker
And he’s always pulling my pudd
Will you fuck off bastard?
Hitler took his eye off the ball and that allowed the RAF to build up its operational strength to the point where the Spitfires and the Hurricanes were blowing the fascist bastards out of the sky.  Why were they able to do that?
Because both the Spitfire & the Hurricane were much faster and more manoeuvrable than anything the Luftwaffe had.  Why?
Better technology mate as simple as that so fuck you.

Now for the Army.  Can you tell me the name of the greatest German general in the Second World War?

Correct and who beat Rommel?

Field Marshal Montgomery that’s who mate, fucking Montgomery beat Rommel in the battle of El Alamein and do you know what type of warfare it is described as?
Desert warfare
That’s right, can you think of any other name it might be described as
Well it was tank warfare, and though the British tanks looked cumbersome the fact is they beat the Geram tanks and perchance that might be regarded once again as supior British technology.  Fucking great us British arn’t we.
And lets not forget that although Hollywood films might like you to think differently the fact is the British also cracked the enigma code, which allowed the Allies to listen in unbeknown to the Germans for many year.  Kind of ULTRA cool baby.  And also not forgeting the boys of the Merchant Navy which I was in for four and a half years or so before I joind the Army because without the convoys to Murmansk to supply the Russians it is likely they would have lost the battle of Stalingrade.  And as we are in a pub in the North East lets remember the lads of South Shields, there were more men went down by the North Cape from South Shiels than from any other town or city in Britian.  So there you go wanker we won the war.
Gordie what do ye think of the way Hollywood depicts the Second World War?
Well John Wayne won the fucking war didn’t he?
Ha-ha-ha – Ha-ha-ha
I can understand national pride I mean I am full of pride for the Armed Forces but I have to say it does piss me off sometimes.  There was a recent film about the battle of Passchendaele in the First World War and it was like the British could not do it, the French or some fuckers could not do it but the Canadian’s had the balls, load of balls if you ask me.  If the British and the French had not softened up the German would the Canadian’s have done it?  If the Canadian’s had gone in first would they have done it?  I am not trying to criticise the Canadian troops that fought there but the wanker directors who make such films. 
But Germany did win the war
You know what I have been listening to such crap since 1977.  A group of the lads were drinking in Munster one day and this pensioner SS bastard came over to us.
Yes the fact is only the high ranking officers were executed; most of the bastards just went home.  All the soldiers, NCOs and even most of the officers just went home, then once they got home they just continued to be fascists.  So we walk in this fascist pub one weekend and it is full of blonde headed fascists about our age, in their late teens and early twenties and among them is these pensioner SS bastards who the youth look up to because the old bastards fought for the Fatherland.
Anyway an old SS bastard comes over to us and he starts talking about how Germany won the war and it just seemed obvious that all those shitheads in the bar that were about our age believed the shit this old bastard was telling us.  
I said, what is that you are saying about winning the war and he said, have you not noticed how beautiful and prosperous Germany is and I say, what the fuck has that to do with winning the war and he said well it is because you English are always on strike.   Always on strike what the fuck has that got to do with it, I said and he says, well it’s to do with us winning the war.  So I says, hold on what the fuck is being on strike got to do with winning the war and he says, well you get low wages.  Low wages what has that to do with anything.  Then he says, well you get low wages because we won the war and the reason you get low wages is because all the profit comes to Germany because you are like our slaves.  Your fucking slaves?
Yes because we won the war but we thought it best not to tell you, then we took all the profit and that is way we are so rich and prosperous.
Fuck off you German bastard
But it is true
The economic miracle cannot be deigned
Yes it fucking can shithead
No it can’t
Yes it can, yes it can. yes it can, but before I do it just shut ye fucking hole because I want to say something to the lads.  So you see what I mean, there were thousands possibly millions of bastards in Germany believed it.   And I can say what I am saying completely secure in the knowledge of what I am saying can be proven because even if that shit only happened in that one pub in Munster the fact is there are hundreds and possibly thousands of British Soldiers that must have went in that pub over the years.  There were about five British Regiments in Munster, The RCT, the Scots Guards, 4 RTR.
What’s that?
The 4th Royal Tank Regiment plus I think the Irish Guards and the Royal Scots were there and were the Two Seven lads of the RCT the only lads that ever went in that pub.  And if any other squaddies went in that bar did they not off load that shit on them as well?
There must be hundreds possibly thousands of soldiers that were told that same shit just in that one bar.  
And so what did you do?
Well I hardly had a drink but I left the pub honest I felt pissed.  What you got to remember is like a lot of jobs in industry where generations of people work in a particular place, so like a lot of men in the pits would have generation of their family working in the pits or the shipyards and what have you, it’s the same in the army.  Most of us had family that had been in the Army, uncles, grandfathers who fought in the Second World War and the First World War and the like.  And we all know the truth because our own grandfathers had fought in those wars but it was like we were in a daze.  I was just dumfounded, I could not think what to say.  Anyway a few days later I did work out what to say.  Then one weekend we are down the town again and one of the lads says, lets get a few pints in there, so we went in and before we even got served the same bastards come over.  As if they never recognised us form a few weeks back and they started giving us the same shit.  I said to the bastard, you ye fascist bastard we won the fucking war, the next time you see a tank or military vehicle on the road have a look at the flag on the front of the vehicle, that’s the fucking Union Jack.  In England we don’t have military vehicles on the road with the swastika flag on them but you have military vehicles in this country with the Union Jack on them and that is because we won the war, now fuck off ye fascist bastard.
What happened after that?
Well we just drank up and left but some weeks later a group of us went in there again.  The place was packed with young fascists about our age and would you believe it the bastard SS bastards came up to us again but this time we done them and kicked every bastard out of the pub, then once we finished the only ones left in the bar were us and just one German who was left serving behind the bar.   
Now then you wanker, after the Second World War Germany was flattened.  All the major towns and cities were flat.  The Americans poured billions of dollars into the country to rebuild the towns and cities in a scheme called the Marshall Plan, check it out on the Internet if you want, then because no one wanted the bastards to start a Third World War and because Western Europe had to defended in the Cold War it was necessary for the British and the Yanks to pay for the bastards defence.  On top of all that there were factories such was the Volkswagen car plant that were also flattened during the war.  For example the British rebuilt the factory and the got it up and running to the point where it was making a profit and they gave it back to Germans and it did not cost them a penny.  Now then just think on imagine if someone said to Britain we will build you brand new modern towns and cities, it will not cost you a penny for defence and we will give you profitable car factories that you will be given free, well if that were the case I think would have an economic miracle as well don’t you.  So fuck off you have served you purpose.
What is that?
Because of you wanker I have been able to alert people in this bar of the shit you spreading in the attempt to undermine the fabric of British society, so fuck off.     


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  1. there is a lot of british pride going on here.
    are you involved in the ring of power or something (joke) ?
    or is it just the idea of being a part of something ? and the winning side is always a good side to be part of aint it ? makes you feel good.
    like when england does well in the world cup. so many millions of people feel like their life is on the up.
    to be honest there were times in this section of your blog when i thought you were on about world cup football.
    'we won - no we won - no we won - we won not you'
    well maybe a little more like a playground kick about than world class football.
    does one persons opinion (docile bloke in sunderland bar) about the technical strength of the german army qualify them to be a fascist ?
    or would it be the agreement of a fascist party politics that grant them fascist characteristics ?

    an interesting read i think, although the argument was one of the most unrealistic i have heard/read to date.

    the obnoxious main character is paired with a docile idiot who's only role is to set up the main character by saying the wrong thing at the right time.
    if you're gonna have a believable argument with someone on a specific topic the reader should be made to feel that both candidates have knowledge based on facts about said topic. all i see here is one person setting the other up. as a reader i would like to see the 'the dumb guy' make a few intelligent comments just to give it a little more realism.

  2. but as i read on it says things like : 'are you familiar with the painting guernica by picasso'
    to which 'dumb fuck' replies 'yes'
    then when asked if he knows what it depicts he replies back with the correct answer 'the spanish civil war'
    at this point it feels more like a comedy ? like 'little britain' when the care worker asks the disabled bloke if he wants an ice cream. when he replies 'no' the care worker reiterates the philosophical insight that the disables bloke once said in relation to act of eating an ice cream.
    as if he would say something like that ? hence the daftness/comedy.
    is this intentional or was it just a vehicle to get the main charters point across ?

    what is the intension on this post ?
    it is to establish facts about the British armed forces during the war ?
    or is it an exercise in script writing ?

  3. Answer To Comment No. 1

    Obnoxious main character – guilty

    When you have argued with them as many times as I have it just trips off the tongue and I over the years I have found I can trip them up with astonishing ease. Although conversations can only ever be recorded word perfect with a tape recorder the fact is the conversations are very close to how they actually happened.

    Many listening to such conversations find them a little shocking due to the fact that such opinions are held when there is so much evidence to prove it to be wrong but many people also find the way I pull their arguments down to be amusing. That’s why I do it.

    I thought your comment that the reader should be made to feel that both candidates have knowledge based on facts about said topic was understandable but it did make me laugh, you see the facts as “they” see them are as “they” see them, it might seem to some readers that the writer is placing words and thoughts in the minds of fictional characters. What is amusing and shocking is that I am not doing anything of the kind.

    It’s out there and there is no need to make it up.

  4. Answer To Comment No. 2

    What is the intension?

    To alert people to the way such people think. They all answer questions with the same answers because the facts as “they” see them are the facts as “they” see them. For example the sinking of the Bismarck and a whole host of other questions always results in the exactly the same answers no matter which one you speak to.

    Possibly one day they might read this and get wise but who cares, that might mean they will spread less of their lies and propaganda.

    Work hard & the world will be a better place

    Sit on your arse & watch it turn to rubble

    Forgive me I am an Old Soldier

    All the best