Saturday, 18 December 2010

55th – the bar of the Lambton Worm Sunderland 4th 11 2010

I was having yet another slagging match with a fascist on my birthday in the bar of the Lambton Worm, he was yet another Suttgart fascist shithead and then all of a sudden I had a marvellous dream.


Kelly Holmes walked into the bar I was drinking in and I entered another world.  I was mesmerized and the Lord knows I could not stop myself from approaching her, which is something I have never done to any other celebrity I have ever met, seen or have been in the company of.  I flew atop of a winged charger and came to a halt right before her and though I felt totally overawed it did not stop me from speaking to her. 

We sat at a table opposite each other and I felt I had to pinch the skin on the back of her hand to see if she was real and she was, totally beautiful.  My dream in a dream came to Sunderland to visit me.  A soldier sitting opposite a soldier like none other I had ever seen.

It was heavenly and we spoke in depth about many things.  We discussed life and death and the concept of heaven.  I told her how it saddened me that many people did not understand forgiveness. 

If a man believes he is unredeemable then he might go about his life in a Godless fashion.  I remember watching documentaries on the trouble in Northern Ireland and at times I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness for people who would indicate that they felt there was no place from them and no effort however great could ever lead them to the path of Gods forgiveness.

The Protestant terrorist Billy Wright believed such and as such he is not likely to have ever considered asking God to forgive him.  On the matter of forgiveness the Bible is clear, all sin can be forgiven apart from one sin and if that sin is committed then it cannot be forgiven whatsoever, thankfully it is a sin that would never cross the mind of the vast majority of people.  I do not like to tell people of this particular sin in case anyone is stupid enough to commit it and I am aware that such knowledge can be a burden to some people who find there can be a struggle in the mind to stop themselves from thinking of such things because without wishing to reveal all, the sin in question is a particular form of blasphemy.  It is well to remember that if you find out what the sin is and if you then find you struggle with this knowledge then God knows your heart.  You can only commit this sin if you want to, if the devil by your shoulder is playing tricks with your mind just ask God to help you and as he is all understanding he will understand.

Over recent years there was a particular performer from American who would ask his audience to commit the particular form of blasphemy and by doing so he was committing those who complied to hell.  Such performers are a menace to society because once the extent of what has occurred becomes apparent to those committing the sin it is then possible for individuals as a consequence to consider an evil path that could result in wicket deeds. 


Call me Jim, Geordie is my Army nickname I would prefer you to call me Jim.

OK Jim. Jim?

So good you named it twice, New York, New York.

Do you love me?

Forever asking that same question
And once there is a positive response then it is a question asked often as if all previous answers never occurred

Do you love me?


How do I know that is the truth?

You sit there right before me because whoever got you to agree to come to Sunderland for my birthday must have told you so.

Who do you think told me?

Well it is not something I feel the need to tell everyone subsequently in fact I have only told a very few people, so I would guess it was Sahara ********* or ***** ****** .

How much do love me?

If my experience of such conversations with other woman is anything to go on then somewhere along the line we will get down to discussing shitty nappies.


Do you know a lot about woman?

I am an expert of the shitty attitudes the middle-class have towards the working-class, I am an expert on pee brained fascist attitudes, no one can con me into thinking they were in the Army if they were not and yes I know a lot about woman.

Tell me something about them

OK, when you walk about town on a cold but sunny day woman will walk around in relatively skimpy clothing with bare arms and often without tights on, as if nothing is the bother, yet I might have my combat jacket on and feel it a bit chilly.  If you were to see those same woman once they arrived back home it is likely they would shiver while pulling a woolly up around their neck while saying, “Oooo put the fire on.”


What you were saying before about Northern Ireland and forgiveness, have you heard what they say about Bobby Sands?

I believe I am likely to have heard what you are likely to be referring to but I do not want to discuss it.

What do you think of Bobby Sands?

A very sad figure, hoodwinked to hell by a second rate preacher, well possibly.

What do you mean?

Sands was not likely to have been Bible read and so when a preacher told him he would be committing suicide he took it to be gospel because who is he to question a man of the cloth who Sands is likely to have thought knew of such things.  But the preacher got it wrong on a number of counts.  Bobby Sands did not commit suicide, he like millions of men before him was willing to die for a cause and to die for a cause is not suicide because you do not want to die.

What do you mean you do not want to die?

You want your cause to win through and be successful but in the struggle to gain victory you are willing to put your life on the line if it is required.  That is exactly what Sands did, he wanted his cause to be successful and was willing to pay the ultimate sacrifice.  By all accounts a second rate terrorist but a very brave man all the same.  He was willing to die but he would not have wanted to die, to commit suicide you have to want to die.

So he would have seen his action as a sin?



Because the preacher told him such and as such he is likely to have seen himself as unredeemable and so it is unlike that he would have asked God to forgive him.

But I thought you said it was not a sin.

It was not but we are all sinners and for his soul to be saved he would have had to have asked God to forgive him and as it is extremely unlikely that he did so he would not have of asked for forgiveness for all those others sins he would have committed.

So Bobby Sands is in hell?

God is all knowing, Jim Morrison of the Doors once sang a song where he says, you cannot petition the Lord.  That is not how Christians see it.  Morrison either knew nothing at all about Christianity or he was an Atheist because as a Christian I believe like all Christians that in fact you can petition the Lord and you do so in prayer.  God as I say is all knowing and he would have fully understood the circumstances.  All sin is forgivable and therefore the key to heaven is to ask.  Therefore God does not have to consider such a request because to ask automatically wipes the slate clean.  Sands is not likely to have asked but many Christians are likely to have petitioned the Lord in prayer on the behalf of Sands so God would have considered such.

So what do you think God would have done?

If you take the intelligence of every person that has ever lived then the combined intelligence of all man is as nothing to the intelligence of God, I am merely one man out of all men that have ever lived and so there is no way that I could ever tell you for sure.  The only thing I can tell you for sure is that to ask for forgiveness is the guarantee it will be given. 
I love brown eyes but you know you have the darkest eyes I have ever seen, dear Lord they are beautiful. 

Why do you like dark eyes?

As they say the eyes are a mirror to the soul. God has given us ways of communication, the most common being language.  There is also body language, which the middle-classes hoodwink people about in order to exert control.


Well they are always coming up with new fads they try to foster on to people, for example not too long ago everything had to be challenged but thank God for the working-classes who took the piss out of it and can I ask when was the last time you heard the word challenged?

I cannot remember

Exactly and now they are fucking about with people again but this time it is with body language.

How are they doing that?

If I fold me arms, like this, what does it mean?

It means you are blocking

But to block I would not have a conversation with you but the fact is I could comfortably have a conversation with you with my arms crossed and I promise you that if you have your arms crossed it is not a sign of blocking.  To fold your arms has come to be seen as blocked because the powers that be want to control you by believing it.  It is taught to all teachers, it is taught in psychology, it is taught to nurses and it is probably taught in a lot of other fields but it’s a lie.  It is like you will stand with you hands by your side when you speak to me.  When you think of comedy much of it has to have some element of truth for it to be funny.  Can you remember Les Dawson?


Can you remember how he would purse his lips and there was an act he did with another comedian when they were both dressed as woman.  They would have a conversation with each other while their arms were folded beneath their breasts and in fact at one time it was common to see woman speaking to each other in such a way, they were not blocking, they were having a conversation.  Not long back Les Dawson used to do such comedy sketches and woman would speak to each other in such a manner yet now they hoodwink you into thinking it is blocking.

So tell me what it is you like about brown eyes

Well the eyes can communicate, all eyes can but you have to look into them and though brown eyes are not in shadow it is as if they are because you have to get closer to them to see all the different patterns of the eye, which in brown eyes is a little more difficult to see, so you have to get closer, which is intermit and often sexy.  It is like being in tune with a person, but to be in tune you need to look into the eyes, subsequently whenever I have been in tune with a person it has always been a woman because I would never contemplate looking into the eyes of a man in the same way as I look into the eyes of a woman because I am not attracted to men, plus I have only ever done this to woman where I have felt a sense of love towards the person because it is not the done thing.  If you look closely into the eyes of a person they have to reciprocate and allow you to actually look into their eyes.  As you are allowing me to do right now.

Then what?

Well I cannot think of a word that you would understand better for this form of communication than telepathy.  Is it telepathy, I don’t know but if I use that word you are likely to have some understanding of what I mean and in fact I know that you know what I mean because I know that even though you have said nothing I have communicated thoughts to you while I have been speaking and you have also done it to me haven’t you, you little tinker.


And the last thought you communicated was what?


That’s right and that is exiting


Because it means we are in tune

I know

And you Love me do you?

Yes and do you Love me?

Yes but lets leave nappies and talk of meeting the mother-in-law out of the conversation thank you very much.

Can you communicate thoughts to everyone?

I have only been able to do it with woman I am able to sense a feeling of love towards.

And you love me?

The answer is the same as the answer I gave previously

Which was?

I do not love you

But you said you did

Then why do you keep having to ask if you know the answer

Can you lie about such things?

I can’t but I am aware in order to get their dirty way some men do 

Have there been any other famous woman you loved

Princess Diana and would you believe the Queen

Why the Queen?

Well you were a soldier, can you remember the oath you made in the name of God on the Army Bible to Queen and Country, well it states clearly in the Bible that you should attempt not to make an oath unless it is absolutely necessary and if you think it is absolutely necessary then you should only do it if you are certain you can carry out that oath to the letter.  The oath to me as a Christian is binding and as such the Queen is the only person in the world that I know for sure I would give me life for.

What about Tony Blair

He can fuck off

What if it were your job to protect him

I would never have such a job but if I did then I would do the job to the best of my ability but would I do anything above and beyond the call of duty, I am not so sure.

But you would do things above and beyond the call of duty for the Queen

Yes and no.  I might do things you might regard above and beyond the call of duty but I would not consider them as such because I would regard any such action as in compliance with the oath.

So you love the Queen


And when she dies

Long live the King

And would you give your life for the King

We gave the oath to the Queen but in actual fact I see the oath as being to the Crown

Do all soldiers think as you do?

No, the Army Bible is one item given to soldiers that is often thrown away.  They give the oath and among them there are those who do not believe in Christianity so they just throw the Bible away.

What did you do with your Army Bible?

I’ve still got it it’s old and battered because I carried it in my top pocket every day in Northern Ireland

To stop a bullet?

Ha-ha-ha it’s not a very big Bible, it’s only small, you cannot read it because the text is too small and because it’s so small I doubt it would stop a bullet.  I often carry some religious item with me, a cross or a medallion of some sort.  I am not alone many Christians carry such things.  They are a reminder, we go about our lives and it is easy to forget that God is with you but for example if you carry something in your pocket when you go to the pocket for something or other you touch the item you are carrying and it is a reminder that God is with you.

And God is with you?


How can you say that?

Palm Trees
And a swirling breeze
That brings the enemy to their knees
Strange phenomenon
Whichever way goes
Who knows?
Only thee
And well the fact is he is with everyone but most people do not perceive it

Is he with me?

Did you fly like an angel around the Olympic track?

What do you think of my nationality?

I do not really see you as British
Ha-ha-ha if looks could kill
Hold back your fist
Well I know you have a British passport
But I don’t really see you as British
Though you are

What do you mean?

You are English

I am English?


Are you British?

Well I am but it is not really my nationality is it, I am English
It’s like a lot of Jocks don’t like being called British they prefer Scottish

What about the Irish?

Well when talking specifically about the clan in Northern Ireland that use the terms Loyalist, Unionist & Protestant to describe themselves many of them would prefer the term British and that is because they have had decades of trouble in order to remain as they see themselves.

Which is what?


And the Welsh?

Well they are also nationalistic but possibly less so than the No Surrender Ulster Boys and the No Surrender Jocks.

And the English?

Couldn’t give a fuck
That’s the English
Couldn’t give a fuck
That’s why we win so many wars

Is that the best attitude?

Well the English are generally speaking lackadaisical until stirred
But the lazy bastards are not normally stirred until there is a lot of shit in the pot


And presently unbeknown to a lot of the sleepy bastards there is a lot of shit in the pot but once it dawns expect fireworks

What type of fireworks?

Well nothing really that will cause too much upheaval
But the fascists have got it coming
And when it comes it will be there shit that is among the lot

Do you see any problems?

Well they can be beaten easily with truth
You don’t have to make up lies
That’s what they do
You don’t have to give out false propaganda
That’s what they do
You just have to tell the truth
And before long they will be on their knees
I think their almost total decline will occur during a time of increased national pride

Almost total

There are always likely to be silly bastards with a bust of Hitler on the mantelshelf and a swastika fag in the bog at the side of the pot.  The problem if there is one might be lefty bastards writing in the likes of the Guardian possibly saying, The national pride of the English is becoming vulgar, crass and obnoxious & then the arty farty mob in their shitty brown corduroys will get on their high horse when debating such things with fanny flashing Germain Gear acting serious with her idea of what is serious, which is fucking about with a pair of half-rimmed glasses.  There are bound to be problems but they are not insurmountable and always remember our Grandparents had to go through a huge struggle to beat the bastards in the Second World War and in comparison this will be a stroll in the park.



Will you putting the fucking heating on
Put the heating on
Ye Copper bastards

You ye bastard shut ye fucking gob
I’m try to get some fucking sleep
It’s bad enough that the bastards will not put the fucking heating on without having to listen to bastards like you all night
So shut the fuck up

Do you know who I am?

Well ye obviously don’t know who fuck I am

I will fucking do you ye bastard

Is that right
Now then I will tell you who I am
Then ask me if I am scared
I am Geordie Gardiner
Left the Army with and Exemplary Record
Commended for my work in Northern Ireland
Used to teach the lads unarmed combat
Now ask me if I am scared bastard
Go on bastard
Ask me
Go on bastard
Ask me I am scared

Do you want me to ask?


Are you scared?

I’m I fuck
Now shut the fuck up
I want ta get some fucking kip


Four fascists picked a fight in St Thomas Street.  Two of them needed to visit the local hospital and when the police arrive I got arrested.

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